Timer set for 5 minutes. Go! As I start I think, “Is she really going to read all of this?” But to be honest, I don’t really care. I’m doing this anyway. So here is the situation. About two years ago my Oma offered a person a room to stay. She asked me and at the time not foreseeing any complications with my immediate life had no problem with it, I mean I don’t really know the person and was open to meeting and getting to know them. At first everything seemed fine. As time progressed and we came to know each other there was a lot of stress and tension and our relationship became futile (this was after about 3 months). As adults we worked and communicated and did the best we could to be civil and in doing so became very close friends. But, it is not easy living with a mean person. Fast forward to the past 6 months, this happens to be like all of 2014, that relationship is now over. I don’t know what exactly caused this final breaking point but I knew it was coming. The part that I’m struggling with is how I feel. I feel like he no longer exists to me. The thought is not even worth my energy anymore. I feel hurt and anger and sad. To clarify, this was not an intimate relationship. I’m sad because I can see the potential he has to be great. I’m hurt because he is and was really mean to me. And I’m angry because I subjected myself to his negativity for so long and I’m angry because I feel nothing towards or for him anymore. I feel as though he could *poof* be gone and that would be a good thing. I’m angry because I am a peaceful person and I believe that just by being a living breathing creature you deserve love but I have none left for him and I am sad because he needs it more than anyone. It’s just that I am not the right person to give him what he needs because who he needs most right now is himself. I’m hurt because he intentionally and enjoys making people he does not like feel uncomfortable. He knows how to manipulate and say thing, but because I lives with him and because I have taken many great classes I also know these things. I also know that I am the one who decides how my life goes and so choose to leave him out of it. But that doesn’t make it hurt less. That doesn’t make me less angry or sad. Not right now any way.
I know with time that will change. I have an amazing best friend and even more amazing boyfriend now and I believe time heals all.
I’m happy with the path I’m on!